We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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