alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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