in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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