just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
