my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize