the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
