I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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