After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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