I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
