So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The adults are the big ones right?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
