ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
