Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
