dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize