john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
