Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have already put on my inside pants.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
