I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
