Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There r osticjed everywhere
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
