I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
