The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
