he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
