you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
