i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
