Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
