for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
