Small penises have feelings too.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
