why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
