i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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