At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
