He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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