You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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