I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
