Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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