Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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