Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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