All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
