we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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