Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He did a backflip because drugs
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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