My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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