I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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