Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
