There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
