i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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