Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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