Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
