Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
