I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
