You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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