Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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