I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have already put on my inside pants.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
