Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
