that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
