I'm really into asian looking animals
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
