I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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