She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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