I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
