You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
