please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
They took my balls.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
