Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
