I'm drive I can fine osifer
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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