too bad you live with your parents still
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
