vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
