but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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