he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
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