I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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