I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Dear god my vagina.
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