um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
