i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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