i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
