what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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