I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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