So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
