Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
