All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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