Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
