Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
