You just made me feel so damn special
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
