I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
