And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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