at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
