Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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