I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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