so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
