Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
