is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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