WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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