SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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