i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
