Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
