I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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